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[HOLY SHIT WHERE'S THE FIRE

but that voice!

and that name!!

wow uhm . . . hmm. Okay IN HIS DEFENSE he was talking to his brother all night. For three weeks straight . . . . ]

Maka?!! You're still here?!

Of course I am! You're the one that left, and then you had to go and not say anything about coming back, what's up with that?!

[DON'T YOU KNOW THAT SHE WORRIES RIN.]

[MAKA PLS NO WORRY ;;]

S-Sorry. I didn't think you'd still be here. ...And listen, I did say I came back! Just to the whole world!

Yeah, you didn't think, jerk!

[BOYS.]

It would have been nice if my friend thought to check for me and call, it's not like I have all the time in the world to be checking the network for new faces! I--I might have not wanted to because some friends left recently or something, you know.

[This is stupid. She knows it's stupid. Maka has no reason to be mad at him, but she's just...so relieved, but at the same time so many of her friends have left now, and he's left before, what if he leaves again?]

[Oh. Oh way to turn on the guilt! If she could see him, he would be squirming uncomfortably beneath her gaze. But at least she didn't sound too angry. So, for that, Rin couldn't help but feel a little less guilty.]

It woulda been, but you found me now! [YEAH TOTALLY IGNORING YOUR ANGRY TSUN TSUN WORDS] You gotta good reason to avoid watchin' the gear, but at least now you don't have to be afraid of it anymore.

[He coulda yelled right back at her but. Nah. Not now anyway.]

Afraid? What do you think I am, some kind of wuss?

[TSUN TSUN TSUN, HOW DARE YOU.]

Ugh, you're impossible. You don't have to try and make me feel better about it when I'm here yelling at you.

[WOW NVM JEEZ]

You're the one who was talking about avoiding the gear!! What do you expect me to do, trash your name??!!

You're my friend and even though I didn't say anything doesn't mean I wasn't worried about you too! I just figured you were home being a Grim Reaper!

Actually. Yes.

[Wow, Maka.

She sighs.]

I'm not a Reaper, I'm a human. I told you that.

[did he ... Did he hear that right. is he dreaming. is this lala land. here, Maka, have an awkwardly long pause]

you expected me to...?! [HERE COMES THE FIRE]

. . . WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT IDEA?! WHAT KIND OF FRIEND WOULD DO THAT?!

...[Hers do, a lot.

"Sometimes you just can't work with people."

This is confusing. Being helpful doesn't work, being friendly doesn't help, being distant doesn't help, nothing seems to help. Losing her soul perception was a big blow, she just can't work with anyone anymore or sense what they need.

She was born to be a meister, she wasn't born to be a trainer. What is she without that born duty?

This is way too much, she can't handle it anymore, but putting the burden on Rin that this is how she understands things to work is...no, she can't do that. It's selfish.]

When you have a friend as dumb as me, of course it's normal. [She finally says this in a choked voice.] It happens all the time, and I deserve it every time.

[Okay. He can handle being a big dumb idiot all on his own. He knows that he really is one, despite what Suguro says. But just as keenly aware of that fact, he's just as aware that it certainly does not hold true for Maka.

Yeah she could be weird but that didn't mean she was dumb. And she hadn't done anything to deserve that.]

Shut up, Maka. You're way too cool to say stupid lies like that. Whoever had the balls to tell you that can go straight to hell! ...What's dumb is thinking all of that shit is true. You don't deserve any of it!!

[He deserves an award for keeping his voice even - though that might not last for long. He is pissed. P I S S E D.]

Edited 2014-10-22 01:21 (UTC)

[ and
just in case words aren't enough

(because it means a lot right now for him to see her face because she did not sound okay and he was not having any of that)

If Rin sounded mad, he's definitely trying to tone down on the anger levels.]

You're my friend. You're not dumb. And it's not normal. You don't deserve that sort of shit - not from you or anyone else.

Edited 2014-10-22 01:22 (UTC)

[A moment, the video clicks on.

She really hates this, she hates looking weak or crying like a sissy girl in front of other people. But she can't be a coward and back down either.]

Stupid, boring, flat-chested, weak, troublesome...do you know I've never had anybody say anything contrary about this? Adults, maybe, but adults are obligated to be nice to you. How do you think I should feel about that? Should I be mopey and cry, or should I accept it for what it is? I can't help it making me feel bad, I can't help thinking about it, but whether or not it's normal isn't going to change that it happens, it won't change that I keep expecting it to start up again here.

...You know the last person that said nice things about me like that left? He freaking left. [Things may change a little, but they quickly go back to how it was before.] It's scaring the hell out of me hearing you say this now. If I accept what you say, something might happen to you and I don't want that.

[. . .He's never seen her look so sad or so downtrodden. It was an expression she shouldn't have to make, but - but she was human. She wasn't going to be all sunshine and rainbows, despite her best efforts. Rin remains attentive as he learns about the troubles she went through. He tried so very hard not to get angry - scratch that, he's going to try even harder for her sake.]

I can't promise that I won't leave. ...But you can't just ignore when people say nice things to you - even if it means that they'll just leave again. Because you're not doing anything good by them to ignore what they say! Would that guy be happy to see you beating yourself up like this after all that he said?

Maka. ... Maka. You're almost as smart as my little brother and you read a lot of books like he does. You're one of the strongest trainers I know around here - maybe even better than the gym leaders.

[And he has to keep her attention because he feels that if he lets her think about this for even a second longer, she's just going to slip back into that cocoon.]

You shouldn't be afraid of people who only want to see you happy. [C'MON WHERE'S THAT GIRL WHO ACCEPTED HIM LIKE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL?] Maka. Who the hell wouldn't be afraid of being left alone? Accept that people leave - but don't forget how much they helped you. They'd want you to be happy.

...[He wouldn't be, Bro would be furious if he saw how she regressed back into self-criticism.

But Bro isn't here.

But people leave, that's inevitable. She can try to stop it, she can blame herself so she feels like she has control over it, but that's not how it works. It's time to grow up and accept that there are some things you just can't change outside of yourself. Respond to immature remarks with more force than equally immature violence. "Then go away if you don't like it, I'm not accepting bullshit."

It's a lot to chew over, and she doesn't think she can continue facing Rin in this state--like right now, she actually has to stubbornly wipe at the tears threatening to spill over. Don't do that, you have to be stronger than that, you're already worrying Rin enough.]

My own father ditched me to chase ass when I was little. [Maka's not shy about talking about Spirit's indiscretions, but she rarely phrases it in the context of being hurt by them.] I know he loves me or whatever, but I never stopped feeling expendable. Even as a Meister, I'm only useful for a little bit until I die. I was raised with knowing that. Do you understand?

[At least her mind can process it as something beyond "there is something wrong with you." Not that Maka isn't a heavily flawed person, nobody's perfect.]

Fuck that. Fuck your dad. Fuck being a Meister.

[And it's as if he's talking to someone far younger, someone who refuses to see anything beyond their own little box - and he realizes that everyone has that sort of terrible moment, when the world seems to be closing in on them.

And this was Maka's moment.

He was still mad, but not at her - at her dad, at her friends, at her world. Everything about it was so messed it and it wasn't fair! Fine, if the world wanted to be a giant asshole, then Rin would do everything he could to make sure that Maka learned just how great the world can really be. Sure, he has moments when he wants to crawl into that hole but he can't be that person with Maka.

Maka needed to know that she wasn't useless or anything like that.

...Rin worried in his own way. If he could, he would have found a way to get to Maka's side. She shouldn't have to be reduced to tears like that.]

I understand that your world is full of bullshit and assholes who think it's okay to let a person like you feel useless!

[He needs to punch something.]

[Fuck being a Meister?

She goes rigid, staring intensely with an expression of fury.]

No. I am a Meister, that's my duty, my mother was a Meister too. I don't care what you say about anything else in my world, but I'm a Meister even if I'm an expendable soldier in the end.

I shouldn't have said anything about that. Why did I? That was stupid.

[But regardless of that, he's saying the same things Bro did. It's terrifying. But why? Because it might cause her to view the world she once adored so much differently? As a place that's unfair? Something that prevented her from having a childhood and training her to kill whoever she's sent to kill? Then what can she do going forward? Maka's used to viewing herself as a person that does their duty to the best of their ability and that's about all, she's not as strong as other people, but she had her will.

Losing people always held her back. Being afraid of losing caused her to degenerate. Everyone experiences loss.

I'll never see Crona again. I don't think I'll see any of my friends again.

For Crona, they sealed Asura away. They had their duty as well. Shouldn't she respect that? Carry on for them? Things happen, people make their own decisions, you might not completely understand at first but...maybe eventually you will and things can move on.

For her friends...she has friends here. She can always see her friends if they come here or, more likely, she goes back home. And then she'll have lost the friends she made here, won't remember them anymore. Maka won't forget her friends at home...though some of them are assholes (not that she kept that a secret to them) but dwelling on the past is stymieing her future.]

...But besides that, what kind of person am I? Is it really okay for me to feel like I'm not weak? Or that there isn't something wrong with me? I've killed so many things that used to be people, is it okay for a person like that to live a normal life?

You said something because it pisses you off. [DUH.

For all her talk about being a Meister and it being such a great and honorable thing, it really didn't seem like it. Maybe it was just a stupid moment, but she had already started and Rin wasn't going to take back those words just yet.

Even so, he'll keep any other comments he has about her world to himself. He's trying to make her feel better, not insult her profession.]

...What kind of person do you want to be, Maka? 'Course it's okay to not feel weak or imperfect. You think no one else feels like that?

[But that last comment has him thinking of his own little brother. Yukio must have had to kill loads of things - most of which Rin had no clue about. If those demons had been human at one time, would Rin have been able to forgive Yukio.

There was only one answer for that.]

...You did what you had to, to save the people around you. It's okay, Maka. D'you want a written invitation?

I don't want to be...obnoxiously full of myself or anything. That's what my friend back home does, and everyone thinks he's annoying. But...

[It's not as though she wants praise constantly either, that embarrasses her. Maka got it enough from her father and of course it sounds insincere coming from him.]

I...want to be the kind of person that people can rely on. I don't want to feel worried or like I'm in a rush all the time. I don't have super strength or godly powers or whatever, but I have my will and my courage, I want to show people that they don't have to be afraid either.

[But--]

I want to see what my friends see in myself...so I don't call myself a "bad taste" anymore. I don't want to worry anybody, though I know I can't stop that. I guess...some part of me wants to feel like an average teenager too, as in...regular average, not Death City average.

. . . Since you're already strong enough, you just need to let other people help you out once in a while.

[J-Jeez, Maka. It's that last comment that hits it close to home for him. He'd like to know what his friends see in him. But her request is simple and he could definitely give her an answer. After all, what were friends for? Even if that friend was a girl who happened to be a lot tougher than she seemed.]

...Y'know, even though you're some hot-shot Meister back in Death City, you're a pretty average pokemon trainer here. You're way better at this game than I am and I've been here longer than you! ...As your friend [tsuntsuntsun] ...I think you're already pretty great. Definitely not in bad taste. I mean, yeah. You're pretty cool. ...But you have a hard time believin' that so. I guess we'll just find a way to show you.

["We"?]

...Oi, wait a second, who's we?

Who else? Me and Yukio. [DUH.]

W-wait, why does Yukio need to be involved? [Maka don't you remember that part about relying on people?] I don't want to bother him or waste his time--a-although I am kinda wasting your time right now, too.

Because he's my brother and we're a packaged deal. [The real Okumura special!]

You're not wasting our time, jeez. I'm doing this because I want to. How many times do I have to tell you that you're my friend? ...I know you had to say it to me a few times too before I got it.

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