pinnedbangs | IC contact post

...[He wouldn't be, Bro would be furious if he saw how she regressed back into self-criticism.

But Bro isn't here.

But people leave, that's inevitable. She can try to stop it, she can blame herself so she feels like she has control over it, but that's not how it works. It's time to grow up and accept that there are some things you just can't change outside of yourself. Respond to immature remarks with more force than equally immature violence. "Then go away if you don't like it, I'm not accepting bullshit."

It's a lot to chew over, and she doesn't think she can continue facing Rin in this state--like right now, she actually has to stubbornly wipe at the tears threatening to spill over. Don't do that, you have to be stronger than that, you're already worrying Rin enough.]

My own father ditched me to chase ass when I was little. [Maka's not shy about talking about Spirit's indiscretions, but she rarely phrases it in the context of being hurt by them.] I know he loves me or whatever, but I never stopped feeling expendable. Even as a Meister, I'm only useful for a little bit until I die. I was raised with knowing that. Do you understand?

[At least her mind can process it as something beyond "there is something wrong with you." Not that Maka isn't a heavily flawed person, nobody's perfect.]

Fuck that. Fuck your dad. Fuck being a Meister.

[And it's as if he's talking to someone far younger, someone who refuses to see anything beyond their own little box - and he realizes that everyone has that sort of terrible moment, when the world seems to be closing in on them.

And this was Maka's moment.

He was still mad, but not at her - at her dad, at her friends, at her world. Everything about it was so messed it and it wasn't fair! Fine, if the world wanted to be a giant asshole, then Rin would do everything he could to make sure that Maka learned just how great the world can really be. Sure, he has moments when he wants to crawl into that hole but he can't be that person with Maka.

Maka needed to know that she wasn't useless or anything like that.

...Rin worried in his own way. If he could, he would have found a way to get to Maka's side. She shouldn't have to be reduced to tears like that.]

I understand that your world is full of bullshit and assholes who think it's okay to let a person like you feel useless!

[He needs to punch something.]

[Fuck being a Meister?

She goes rigid, staring intensely with an expression of fury.]

No. I am a Meister, that's my duty, my mother was a Meister too. I don't care what you say about anything else in my world, but I'm a Meister even if I'm an expendable soldier in the end.

I shouldn't have said anything about that. Why did I? That was stupid.

[But regardless of that, he's saying the same things Bro did. It's terrifying. But why? Because it might cause her to view the world she once adored so much differently? As a place that's unfair? Something that prevented her from having a childhood and training her to kill whoever she's sent to kill? Then what can she do going forward? Maka's used to viewing herself as a person that does their duty to the best of their ability and that's about all, she's not as strong as other people, but she had her will.

Losing people always held her back. Being afraid of losing caused her to degenerate. Everyone experiences loss.

I'll never see Crona again. I don't think I'll see any of my friends again.

For Crona, they sealed Asura away. They had their duty as well. Shouldn't she respect that? Carry on for them? Things happen, people make their own decisions, you might not completely understand at first but...maybe eventually you will and things can move on.

For her friends...she has friends here. She can always see her friends if they come here or, more likely, she goes back home. And then she'll have lost the friends she made here, won't remember them anymore. Maka won't forget her friends at home...though some of them are assholes (not that she kept that a secret to them) but dwelling on the past is stymieing her future.]

...But besides that, what kind of person am I? Is it really okay for me to feel like I'm not weak? Or that there isn't something wrong with me? I've killed so many things that used to be people, is it okay for a person like that to live a normal life?

You said something because it pisses you off. [DUH.

For all her talk about being a Meister and it being such a great and honorable thing, it really didn't seem like it. Maybe it was just a stupid moment, but she had already started and Rin wasn't going to take back those words just yet.

Even so, he'll keep any other comments he has about her world to himself. He's trying to make her feel better, not insult her profession.]

...What kind of person do you want to be, Maka? 'Course it's okay to not feel weak or imperfect. You think no one else feels like that?

[But that last comment has him thinking of his own little brother. Yukio must have had to kill loads of things - most of which Rin had no clue about. If those demons had been human at one time, would Rin have been able to forgive Yukio.

There was only one answer for that.]

...You did what you had to, to save the people around you. It's okay, Maka. D'you want a written invitation?

I don't want to be...obnoxiously full of myself or anything. That's what my friend back home does, and everyone thinks he's annoying. But...

[It's not as though she wants praise constantly either, that embarrasses her. Maka got it enough from her father and of course it sounds insincere coming from him.]

I...want to be the kind of person that people can rely on. I don't want to feel worried or like I'm in a rush all the time. I don't have super strength or godly powers or whatever, but I have my will and my courage, I want to show people that they don't have to be afraid either.

[But--]

I want to see what my friends see in myself...so I don't call myself a "bad taste" anymore. I don't want to worry anybody, though I know I can't stop that. I guess...some part of me wants to feel like an average teenager too, as in...regular average, not Death City average.

. . . Since you're already strong enough, you just need to let other people help you out once in a while.

[J-Jeez, Maka. It's that last comment that hits it close to home for him. He'd like to know what his friends see in him. But her request is simple and he could definitely give her an answer. After all, what were friends for? Even if that friend was a girl who happened to be a lot tougher than she seemed.]

...Y'know, even though you're some hot-shot Meister back in Death City, you're a pretty average pokemon trainer here. You're way better at this game than I am and I've been here longer than you! ...As your friend [tsuntsuntsun] ...I think you're already pretty great. Definitely not in bad taste. I mean, yeah. You're pretty cool. ...But you have a hard time believin' that so. I guess we'll just find a way to show you.

["We"?]

...Oi, wait a second, who's we?

Who else? Me and Yukio. [DUH.]

W-wait, why does Yukio need to be involved? [Maka don't you remember that part about relying on people?] I don't want to bother him or waste his time--a-although I am kinda wasting your time right now, too.

Because he's my brother and we're a packaged deal. [The real Okumura special!]

You're not wasting our time, jeez. I'm doing this because I want to. How many times do I have to tell you that you're my friend? ...I know you had to say it to me a few times too before I got it.

Geeeez.

[God she's so embarrassed. At least it's taken her mind (and mood) off of "really really emotionally distressed" though.]

At least having flames and stuff is cool, having a bad personality is not so much.

[That's a comment that brings the color to his face. She thought his flames were "cool"? (Maybe she wouldn't think that if she saw them... but hey! Maybe she would think they were super awesome up close?) For a moment, it catches him off guard. He didn't remember telling her about the blue flames. Then again, they talked about a lot of things.

. . . OH WAIT A SECOND. SHE SOUNDS LIKE IZUMO.]

What is it with girls and "bad personalities"? You are who you are. I'm Satan's son, you're Maka with the "personality" [AIR QUOTES INCLUDED], and right now we're pokemon trainers.

Pretty sure no one here cares about any of the old stuff unless they ask. And I'm pretty damn sure that your friends like your personality as is.

Edited 2014-11-01 15:05 (UTC)

What is it with girls? I don't know, probably because of the boys that constantly tell them no one will want anything to do with them because of their "bad personalities."

[And other things, but Maka's not educated in the more subtle training of girls socially and it would just give Rin a headache.]

They're not obligated to like it. I don't know if they do, but we're friends, so that's okay.

I'm a boy and Yukio's a boy and we don't care about those sort of shit. It makes you more interesting, like you got somethin' to prove.

[Other than the headache he has now? Nah, he could probably stomach about three words of it. Jeez, why were friends so hard to make?]

...Where are you now?

[She just stares at him for a little bit.

Well, Rin, to put it kindly--you're not exactly a normal boy, and she's not a normal girl. Half-demons and child soldiers aren't exactly common.]

Goldenrod? My friend Kirikou is going to challenge Whitney when he can. I'm not sure when we'll ever be able to meet up again.

[Don't stare at him! He is pretty sure that what he has just said is super true. Half-demon or not, he probably has the most normal childhood between himself, Yukio and Maka. Not counting, of course, the fact that he could break bones before he entered elementary school.

Other than that, he had a totally normal childhood where he was ostracized by his peers and adults because he had a hair-trigger temper and more muscle than he could control. So normal. So very, very normal.

Kirikou, huh?]

...Yukio and I might be heading over there. What's Kirikou like?

He's nice. A total music nerd and a mother hen, but he wants everyone to believe he's actually a cool guy.

[Kind of like you, Rin.]

...Actually, he reminds me of you a little.

How does "music nerd" and "mother hen" remind you of me, even a little? Yukio's way more of a mother hen than I am.

[-- at least, he thinks that Yukio's more the mother hen type.]

Because you are a mother hen, and you try to come off like you're a cool guy instead of a nice guy, just like he does.

Name one time when I came off as "motherly"!

...Hehe, right now, actually. You're fussing over me as much as one would.

Whatever... just make sure that Kirikou guy keeps acting like a mother hen. We might end up seeing you soon.

No worries about that, just stick a baby Pokemon in front of him and he goes full tilt.

[A pause, and:] I volunteered as a knife thrower in the circus, too. So I might be coming and going periodically depending on how much they need me.

[So Kirin-baby man is good. On to more important matters like...]

You're a knife thrower in a circus?! That's so cool! How'd you get a kick-ass job like that? [AND HOW CAN HE WORK IN THE BIG TOP?]

[video]

soundmind - 2014-11-23 03:25 (UTC) - Expand

IC contact post

[video]

[video]

[video] 1/2

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]

[video]